• If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.



Page history last edited by DUKE! 11 years, 8 months ago

Official Results 


Lonac         6:28.1         HORSECOW "A"

John           6:29.1         HORSECOW "A"

Duke          6:29.6         HORSECOW "A"

Lars           6:58.9         WVTC

Jak             9:03.5        HORSECOW "A"

Tim            9:28.0        HORSECOW "B"

Fricken       9:54.1         HORSECOW "B"

Peco          10:58.0       HORSECOW  "B"

Fat Cooley  11:25.6       HORSECOW (with penalty lap) "B"

Ferrets        DNF          HORSECOW "A"

Puddin'       DNS          Horsecow "B"


Total HCOW Team Time: 37:58.3




First 10 min video

Second 2 min video


Acquired Beermile.com Official Designation


Horsecow may have won had we split the team better but since Grass DNFed and Puddin' DNSed Horsecow didn't have a team of 5 finish (2 teams of 4, what bad planning).  So since neither West Valley nor HCOW fielded a team of 5, the race has been declared a tie by the judges and we demand a rematch!




Welcome to Horsecow Beermileycyrus 2009




The Date


November 28, 2009   -   The Saturday after Thanksgiving


The Time



Gun goes off at 4 PM.   Better plan on arriving at 3:30 so you don't get a late start.


The Place


American River Junior College




From San Francisco


Basically from about 2 miles northeast of the I-80 business 80 interchange you take the Madison Ave Exit.

Go East on Madison and turn right on College Oak (2nd stop light?)

You'll see the JC on your left after another mile

The track is at the South end of the campus, near the intersection of Winding and College Oak


The Battle



WVTC, should they choose to attend, will be defending their Beer Championship Title against against the upstart team of shamblers, Horsecow, and any others who want a piece.


Representing Horsecow                    Representing WVTC                    Representing the Rebels


             Fats Tooley                                           Blitz Schmitz                                                                

                 Duke                                                Charlesworth?                                    

              Le Gooch                                                                         

               Hot Karl                                                                          








  (maybe merns ringer cow)                                                                              




The Rules


All beermile.com rules will be obeyed to achieve "official" times and give participants a chance at fame and glory.


The Team Scoring


While crosss country scoring is interesting and will probably be examined as well, the Beermile Champion Team Title can only be taken away by the team who has the lowest cumulative time for their top 5 finishers.


Previous Match Up



Race Wife Beaters


While there is no entry fee for BeerMileyCyrus, 3 styles of wife beater are available for purchase @ $5 a piece.  To prevent confusion front and back designs have been provided, as well as images of how good you'll look wearing one.  To secure one for yourself either send an email to duke or post on this forum the size, style, and quantity you'd like.  



* Most likely they won't turn out looking quite this crisp so don't get your hopes up.


Comments (37)

Duke said

at 12:53 pm on Oct 9, 2009

Should anybody else be on the Horsecow roster?

deuce said

at 1:16 pm on Oct 9, 2009

I like the note about being on time. Ironic that it was written by Duke....

Duke said

at 1:19 pm on Oct 9, 2009

Yes threatening about the race being on time is necessary even if you are likely to be the one holding up the show.

deuce said

at 2:59 pm on Oct 9, 2009

I plan to convince skippy to join as well.

Ferrets said

at 1:38 am on Oct 11, 2009

do that. and I feel like we will probobly win.

Ferrets said

at 1:39 am on Oct 11, 2009

also, i am the gayest gay ever. I love dick in my ass....it is awesome to have dick in my butt. poop dick.

Duke said

at 10:22 am on Oct 11, 2009

Wow Grass you usually don't say so much on these boards but you must have really needed to get that off your chest. Hope you feel better now.

Or maybe you left your computer on and your email account open at your party. You'd think you'd know your friends better than to make a mistake like that.

tim said

at 9:43 pm on Oct 12, 2009

yup, how dumb is that guy. damn him.

tk said

at 11:41 am on Oct 13, 2009

i'm not surprised you horsecows picked a holiday weekend that would ensure the least turnout possible by the wvtc juggernaut. from the comments above, some of you like getting spanked and i'm sure we would have given it to you hard. very hard. i'll share the news with our beer mile warriors just in case any of them are homeless orphans with no holiday travel plans like you horsecows. and who has the miley cyrus fetish? - is that a requisite for getting into the club?

deuce said

at 11:43 am on Oct 13, 2009

Wait, there are people who don't have a Miley Cyrus fetish?

Oh you mean women! No, women can also join if they wish. Although bonus points if they are also into her.

Duke said

at 12:44 pm on Oct 14, 2009

Since West Valley was crying about how HCOW drank PBR last time I'll be drinking Bud at Horsecow BeermilyCyrus 2009. Now they won't have any excuses when we stomp them.

Except that they didn't bring their A team.

tk said

at 3:36 pm on Oct 14, 2009

you may be horsecows by name, but all i see coming out you is bullshit. this site smells of something foul. something rotten. maybe its poop dick.

tim said

at 9:23 pm on Oct 14, 2009

well you are right, it is poopdick. So what.

lonaX said

at 10:34 am on Oct 15, 2009

after WE HORSECOWS stomp all over wvtc they will be playing rusty trombones on our poopdick. yup, that's how it goes.

why can't we drink PBR? is it less than 5%? a quick google search seems to indicate it is somewhere around 4.8%, but if we drive to Canadia it is 5.9%. who is going to go get canadian pabst for us? maybe i should since i am geographically the closest. or maybe that's handsome steve but i don't think he is cuming to HORSECOW beer mile.

duke you can't drink Bud HORSECOWS don't drink Bud beer they only drink Good beer. so we will have to agree on something else. like coors Banquet.

a brewery out of durango, CO makes a light blonde ale in a can that is 5.3%. that should be very easy drinking and fairly tasty compared to Bud beer.
i can look into if it is widemouth can. would other HORSECOWS be interested in that? i could fly a bunch of 6-packs out and we could all drink the remaining 2 after the race. this of course assumes i'm making the drive...

finally, i'm with deuce. who doesn't want to hannah her montana?

tk said

at 12:42 pm on Oct 15, 2009

PBR, while a good all around mass-produced beer, is 4.8% so it doesn't meet the minimum intoxication standards. If you're hell-bent on using it and can't import the Canadian stuff, we might bend the rules and make you take a big chug from a 5th beer. Your choice.

Coors should work, but take note there are absolutely no widemouth cans or bottles allowed. Shotgunning or other chugging aids from anything other than your standard can or bottle is strictly prohibited as technological doping. The sport is heavily regulated in the spirit of keeping a level playing field so that prolific beer milers like the men of WVTC can see true measure of the neutered horsecows. Go to beermile.com to brush up on your knowledge of the rules.

Since WVTC might not be able to make the trip, you'd be well advised to get the event on a video camera or two just to back up the claims of a bunch of peddlers, thieves, and hustlers.

Duke said

at 12:57 pm on Oct 15, 2009

I wouldn't be surprised if Horsecow breaks the 35:00:00 team barrier this go around. That would be 5 under 7:00 . Hooooowweeeee. Hot Damn! And while that's happening all the West Valley "men" will be sitting around at Grandma's house talking with Uncle Burt about the next day's football game.

tim said

at 8:06 pm on Oct 15, 2009

you can perform the outdoorsmen though, correct?

The Blitz said

at 9:15 pm on Oct 15, 2009

hahahahaaa 35min team barrier?? ferrets 19min, the birdman 19mins. thats 38mins. you horsecowards can't even run sub7 even if you drank water.

tk said

at 9:52 pm on Oct 15, 2009

Funny, the horsecows think 35 minutes is gonna get it done. You can talk about theoretical or glory day performances, but we deal in reality here. On your best day, you might slip by our B team.

The A-Team Time Race
Todd "T Rose" Rose 05:41.9 3rd Annual WVTC Winter Classic
Jonathan Charlesworth 05:44.0 4th Annual WVTC Summer Classic
Alex Mason 06:20.0 1st Annual WVTC Winter Classic
Steve "Dewey" Dewan 06:26.0 1st Annual WVTC Winter Classic
Lars Schmitz 06:48.2 2nd Annual WVTC Summer Classic
Total 31:00.1

The Sloppy Seconds Team Time Race
Todd "TK" Kelly 06:53.0 4th Annual WVTC Summer Classic
Pontus "Sweatervest" Ahlstrom 07:13.9 3rd Annual WVTC Winter Classic
Jonah Backstrom 07:28.3 3rd Annual WVTC Winter Classic
Jonathan "Big Jon" Geilhufe 07:34.0 4th Annual WVTC Summer Classic
Matt Hinde 07:52.8 3rd Annual WVTC Winter Classic
Total 37:02.0

You guys do your fall scrimmage. We'll be seeing for our 4th Annual Winter Classic.

Duke said

at 11:07 am on Oct 16, 2009

You're only as fast the 5 who toe the line on race day fellas. 6:20 Alex Mason and 6:26 Dewey no longer exist, so neither does your West Valley Dream Team.

The Blitz said

at 7:51 pm on Oct 16, 2009

Dukepuke, shut up. We are so going to make you our bitches. We love horsecows. You will be our desert for Thanksgiving.
I think we can possibly get at least a C team out to Sac. I am definitely in.

tk said

at 2:42 pm on Oct 17, 2009

duke, thanks for that email about dewey & mason. that will provide all the motivation for them to get back to their old form.

Duke said

at 2:10 pm on Oct 21, 2009

I wonder if we'd have time to fit in a reverse steeple after the beermile. Haven't run one of those in years. Is clearing barriers harder or easier after 4 beers?

tim said

at 9:37 pm on Oct 21, 2009

easier, because the steeple is fun and easy

Duke said

at 10:51 pm on Oct 26, 2009

That's right. I hope the Rebels field a full team, cause West Valley is obviously too sissy. This race is going to be huge.

lonaX said

at 11:46 am on Nov 4, 2009

Duke and everyone else, how do we feel about inviting F.A.G.'s off aggiefellas bored to horsecowbeermileycyrus?

Training Log
Nov 3: PBR in 14.74 sec , 5 min rest, PBR in 15.26 sec; run = 20 min. barefoot on grassy field

boy i can tell already this training log of mine is going to be almost as exciting as my dietary antilactose records on naymoo.com

deuce said

at 11:57 am on Nov 4, 2009

Training log:
November 2nd, 12 shots of rum in 30 minutes. Convinced Cooley to drink with me.
November 3rd, Ran 20 minutes. Didn't drink because was too hungover, but I ate a lot at lunch to help stretch my stomach.

Tony said

at 12:59 pm on Nov 5, 2009

Wow that new picture you posted was the funniest thing I have EVER seen! Well done!

deuce said

at 9:07 am on Nov 12, 2009

Yeah, so I'm definitely gonna need shirt "C" in a large. or XL if the larges are small for a large.

Damn but A is pretty cool too. I need to think about this actually.

Duke said

at 11:30 am on Nov 12, 2009

Yes, wifebeater sizes seem a bit small. Lynyrd Skynrod easily fills out a large, only moments after a third marathon.

Who thinks Horsecow is going to get sued for copyright infringement for either selling products with Miley on them or endorsing this event using her image without her expressed written consent?

Tony said

at 12:00 pm on Nov 12, 2009

What are they going to sue us for? Its not like Horsecow has any assets, just assholes. Hmm. maybe we should change our name to "Horsecow LLC" that way we will all be safe. Also Sonofgib is a lawer and would probably defend us.

deuce said

at 12:42 pm on Nov 12, 2009

I think he meant they're going to sue us for "use" of the images. As in what I do when I open horsecowbeermileycyrus.pbworks.com on my laptop and then bring it into the bathroom at work...

tim said

at 9:44 pm on Nov 12, 2009

Give me an A. Size XL. And a C for Fricken. size XXL

Duke said

at 10:13 am on Nov 15, 2009

So I've got:

Lonax, A, M
Ace, A, XL
Fricken, C, XXL
Deuce, A?, XL

tim said

at 7:01 pm on Nov 15, 2009

Yes that is correct. And add in an xs "A" for Sills. Although she only wants it if she will look as hot as Miley Cyrus.
yes ok.

Duke said

at 10:59 am on Nov 30, 2009

Even though all HCOWs attending PRed individually (except for Fat Pukey Stooley and maybe Fricken), we were still about 40 seconds off of our Team Time PR of 37:23. Too bad. I guess we need Wolfman to show and Cooley to work on keeping it down.

You don't have permission to comment on this page.